Honey Bee

Why she fell for him head first, when everyone else said it was so wrong...

Because he was a L-I-A-R... the greatest one that she had ever met...

Because he told her the best lies about herself that no one ever told her....

That there was no other like her...

That she was the best amongst everyone he knew....

The best driver and the most confident presenter..

That with her public speaking skills she belonged on the world stage some day...

That she was the hottest girl, his little queen and no one else's...

That her skin was baby soft, like butter, like silk...

That he lost his mind when she took his arms and wrapped him around her...

That her touch made his heart flutter more than his highest success...

That he knew every curve of her body, every look to a fault...

That their jokes were never spelt out, but always ended in muffled laughter in a room full of people...

He stood towering over her, she was tiny.. 

He made her stand on his feet, and embraced her around the waist...

And they danced slowly for nothing...

He lifted her up to the heavens and showed her off to the universe...

He told me her was unlimited, boundary-less, madness...

Her messy hair was his nest, her cinderella feet stress balls in his big hands...

She has known love at other times too, but they don't lie to her.. about her..

He lied so much that she became those lies for him... 

And she believed those lies about herself too...

She only wished he were hers...

But he could not be..

He will always be her if-only... A LIAR... But made her a believer... The greatest liar of all...

Why didn't you leave?

Abuse is strange. Abuse has an impact that is counterintuitive. Everyone asks the abused "why didn't you leave?" 

But the same people asking the question may not be able to leave themselves and be putting up with an abuser in their own homes. 

That's how abuse works. It plays hot and cold with our minds so many times that slowly our brain dissociates from logic and the obvious solution - leaving. 

The first time I am hit, I experience shock. Then I cope thinking I must have done something and try to justify the abuser - because I love him too much + the home that I am here now feels safe + walking out is shameful. 

The second time I am hit - I try to justify it as his anger issue. I tell him it is not acceptable behaviour. And he also profusely apologises. 

The third time I revolt a little. He uses his family and friends to make me "understand" what a nice guy he is and he is trying.

Then the fourth, fifth, sixth. Slowly I begin to think that it is my fault and my shame. 

Seventh, eighth, ninth - my brain has started to accept the toxic drama as normal. Just like my mom or dad used to hit me when I was wrong. And I already have a child - they need a father, I cannot just walk away.

Tenth - it is in front of the child. He drags me by the hair and thrashes me. My child screams in fear. I come out and comfort my child - nothing has happened, daddy just got upset. Don't you see how much he does for all of us?

One day when I leave, after 7-8-10 years. People say "you should have tried harder". And only some of them ask, "what made you stay?" Notice how the victim is shamed - if you leave, it is shame, if you stayed it is shame. Because we are not aware how in a strange slitherine way abuse messes our minds.

(P.S. the above stories are a compilation of real lived experiences of different people from different walks.)